Only a mothe r could love this liver
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
