While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
