i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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