I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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