hotel room ftw
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Damn victory sex feels great
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize