"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
