Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
