Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
