As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
