didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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