dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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