how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
