I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
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She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize