Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
