How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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