ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Randomize
