I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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