All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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