you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
