I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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