Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
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Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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