i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
