can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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