We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
