There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
