I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
