I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
