so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Too much gin, very little bucket
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
