He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
