So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
