Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize