Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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