so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
