People in love make me want to vomit
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
