My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
