i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
