Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
