a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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