I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
