Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
