so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
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I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
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His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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