She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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