I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
