its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
