he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
