my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
