This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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