I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
