I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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