you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I cut my penus on the lid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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