he shaved USA in his pubs
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
