didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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