i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
