note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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