you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
