What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My Higher Power is John Stamos
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
