I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
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