Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
